Ten Things I've Learned

I'm not a perfect parent.  In fact there are days that were you in my home you would think a pack of wild wolves could raise kids better.

However, having 3 kids at 3 totally different stages has given me perspective.  I know a few things that work and don't work. 

Here's my Ten Things I have learned when it comes to being a parent:

1)  Don't try to be my kid's friend.  They have friends...they need a parent.  There will come a day down the road when they are adults that we will move into a season of life where we have more of a friendship.  That isn't when they are teenagers.  If I try to act like I am their friend then it confuses them when I then turn around and try to act like the authority figure later.  Be a parent not a friend...for now.

2)  Be a parent that listens and makes it comfortable for your kid to come talk to you about any topic under the sun.  Keep an open line of communication.  Let them feel like they can trust you to listen.  Sometimes all they need is your ear...not your advice or lecture. 

3)  Apologize to my kids when I am wrong, have lost my temper or said things to them I shouldn't say.  Ask them for forgiveness when I need to.  Make amends to them where I can.

4)  Teach them what grace is.  Offer them grace sometimes rather than punishment.  Let them get a feel for the concept so down the line they know how to offer grace to others.

5)  Pick your battles.  Not every hill is a hill worth dying on. 

6)  Make sure your kid knows they are loved unconditionally.  Explain the difference between being disappointed in their behavior and being disappointed in them as a person.  I never tell my kids they are bad.  I tell them they may have made a bad choice or decision.  Behavior can be bad...kids aren't.  Make sure you show them the difference.

7)  Make sure my husband is the primary relationship in my home.  My kids don't come before my husband.  They see us taking time for one another.  They know we are a united front.  They know we aren't going to team up with them against the other parent.

8)  Have fun together.  Be silly.  Laugh at yourself with your kids.  Let them see you enjoying life.

9)  Pray, pray, pray...then go pray some more.  Let your kids hear you pray.  Let them see you intercede for others.  Teach them to take their concerns, fears and problems to God.

10)  In the long run it doesn't matter where they go to college, what type of job they end up with, what kind of car they drive or house they live in.  Those things are great and there is nothing wrong with accomplishments but in the end?  I want to raise 3 boys that love God, love their families and are men of integrity.