How do I treat prayer when it comes to my kids? John and I talked about this at great lengths recently and while we both can remember growing up going to church all the time, going on mission trips, and being active in our home churches neither of us can remember our parents praying out loud over us. I am quite confident both sets of our parents prayed FOR us and I know we always said the blessing before a meal but out loud prayers of blessings over us before we left for school or went to bed? That wasn't something either of us can remember in our homes. So we want to be intentional about letting our kids hear us praying rather than just over the dinner table each night.
John usually puts Josh and Colin to bed each night and they say prayers together. However, Josh is in a rut of saying "Just pray for the usual stuff" when asked what he would like to pray about. Colin, as I have mentioned, will pray for things ranging from animals to chicken nuggets so you just never know. We talked about not only having them say things they would like to pray for or about but also for them to hear us pray specifically for them. Nothing long and drawn out...just a prayer of blessing over them. With the two of them we are working toward having them think more about things to pray for...things they are thankful for...things that are on their hearts for their friends.
Now. Patrick. Somewhere along the way he turned into a teenager and he kind of puts himself to bed now. He doesn't really need us to tuck him in or get him one more drink of water or make sure he has the right stuffed animal to help him go to sleep. And somewhere along the way we stopped praying with or for him. I guess we fell into the trap of thinking that he's 15...he doesn't want us to do that...he should be praying on his own...he will think we are crazy...etc.
I do think Patrick is at an age where his relationship with Christ is just that...HIS relationship. It should no longer be what me or John want for him but needs to be more of his personal connection. HOWEVER, we have missed the boat on continuing to let him hear us pray over him and let him know that not only do we pray FOR him but WITH him.
So I decided a few weeks ago that I would go up to his room before he went to bed and I would pray over him. I was all geared up to do it...I gathered my thoughts...I walked up the stairs...I stood outside of his door...and...I chickened out. I went in, said goodnight and then walked back down to our room all mad at myself and confused by my feelings. Why would I be scared to go pray for my kid? What was wrong with me?
Jump to the next night. I'm going to do this. I CAN pray with my child. Come on, Kristin! Get it together! I gathered my thoughts. I walked up the stairs and I noticed I had butterflies in my stomach. My hands felt clammy.
This isn't exactly great spiritual parenting if you are nervous about going up to pray for your child. I felt like a complete and utter failure and started to turn back around and tell myself that Patrick was too old for this. He didn't want his Mom to come pray over him before he went to bed. This is something I should have been doing from the time he was little bitty...not something to start at his age.
Then God convicted my heart so strongly that that was EXACTLY what my child needed whether he was 15 or 18 or 20...that from here on out he needs to have his Mother pray over him for every single night he is sleeping under my roof.
So I marched myself right up the stairs and walked boldly into his room and asked him if he could shut down his computer game. He asked if he was in trouble and I told him that no...I wanted to pray for him before he went to bed.
And that 15 year old teenager who I thought didn't want his Mom to stand over him and pray, stood up and walked toward me (He is now about 1/2 an inch taller than I am) wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my shoulder without saying a word. And I prayed for him. For his safety. For him to remember who he belongs to and to always reflect God's love to those around him. And I prayed for the young lady that will one day be his wife...for her to be a godly wife for my son and a godly mother for the children I hope God blesses him with.
Nothing deep in theology...no flowery prose...just a quick prayer of thanksgiving for God allowing me to be the mother of such a neat kid and for God to continue to guide him and keep him.
My kid who I thought would think I'm crazy (and he still might) pulled away and said, "Thanks, Mom" and gave me a quick hug and settled in for the night.
If you don't pray out loud over your kids, consider doing so. I know as parents we pray for our kids silently constantly. We want the very best for them. We want to protect them from all the yuck out there and we want them to grow into happy, successful people. But, our most important role as a parent is to always point them to the cross.
We are still working out the kinks in our night-time routines and I can't say that since that night I haven't forgotten once or twice as we got caught up in the rush of the day ending but it is something we are definitely doing more consistently.
Let your kids hear you pray out loud...not just over the dinner table...but hear you pray for them.
Family
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Gather round the table
Out of a 7 day week we eat all together around the kitchen table at least 5 nights. Tuesdays are Patrick's guitar lessons so we usually grab Subway and Wednesdays I eat with my family at Celebrate Recovery and the boys plus Daddy have pizza or Chinese. They call it their Guy Night.
I hear so many people say they never eat together or everybody does their own thing at dinner and to me that is so sad. Even if you can only commit to eating as a family 2 or 3 nights a week it is worth it. It is such a perfect time to talk and listen to your kids.
I go around the table and ask each person what was the best part of their day and what was the worst part. Sometimes the boys are silly with their answers..."The best part of my day was walking through that door and seeing your smiling face!" Or "The worst part of my day was realizing that we wouldn't have cereal for dinner."
Yesterday we took advantage of the great afternoon and played outside for a little while. Once we came in I worked on homework with Josh (20 minutes of Math with no tears!) while Patrick read next to Colin while he played on the Nook. With 3 boys in the house there is a lot of activity most afternoons. A LOT of activity. At times I will walk into my living room and see a pile of boys wrestling around on the floor much like you see wolf puppies do at times on those nature shows. To have a peaceful afternoon so I could focus on homework with Josh and Patrick kept an eye on Colin was a treat.
After homework, I pulled out everything to make dinner and Josh came in to ask if he could help. Truth be told I can make dinner a lot faster without his "help" but it seemed important to him so I let him take over some of the minor things.
When John walked through the door at 6PM we sat down to our meal. This is probably my one 1950's housewife trait...I like to have dinner on the table when he gets home from work. Luckily I only work until 3PM so I'm able to do this...I know if I had to work until 5PM it would be much more difficult. Josh was all about telling his Daddy how he helped make dinner.
As we were going around the table last night sharing our best and worst parts of the day Josh said, "The very best part of my day was being in the kitchen with you and helping you cook and learning how to make food taste good." Josh is usually my child that has a long list of the worst parts of his day and last night when asked he said, "You know...I can't think of a single bad thing that happened today."
If you don't already spend some time gathered around a meal with your kids I challenge you to give it a whirl. I know it's hard to do if you work and the kids have homework and various after school commitments but even setting it as a tradition one night a week is huge.
I hear so many people say they never eat together or everybody does their own thing at dinner and to me that is so sad. Even if you can only commit to eating as a family 2 or 3 nights a week it is worth it. It is such a perfect time to talk and listen to your kids.
I go around the table and ask each person what was the best part of their day and what was the worst part. Sometimes the boys are silly with their answers..."The best part of my day was walking through that door and seeing your smiling face!" Or "The worst part of my day was realizing that we wouldn't have cereal for dinner."
Yesterday we took advantage of the great afternoon and played outside for a little while. Once we came in I worked on homework with Josh (20 minutes of Math with no tears!) while Patrick read next to Colin while he played on the Nook. With 3 boys in the house there is a lot of activity most afternoons. A LOT of activity. At times I will walk into my living room and see a pile of boys wrestling around on the floor much like you see wolf puppies do at times on those nature shows. To have a peaceful afternoon so I could focus on homework with Josh and Patrick kept an eye on Colin was a treat.
After homework, I pulled out everything to make dinner and Josh came in to ask if he could help. Truth be told I can make dinner a lot faster without his "help" but it seemed important to him so I let him take over some of the minor things.
When John walked through the door at 6PM we sat down to our meal. This is probably my one 1950's housewife trait...I like to have dinner on the table when he gets home from work. Luckily I only work until 3PM so I'm able to do this...I know if I had to work until 5PM it would be much more difficult. Josh was all about telling his Daddy how he helped make dinner.
As we were going around the table last night sharing our best and worst parts of the day Josh said, "The very best part of my day was being in the kitchen with you and helping you cook and learning how to make food taste good." Josh is usually my child that has a long list of the worst parts of his day and last night when asked he said, "You know...I can't think of a single bad thing that happened today."
If you don't already spend some time gathered around a meal with your kids I challenge you to give it a whirl. I know it's hard to do if you work and the kids have homework and various after school commitments but even setting it as a tradition one night a week is huge.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Random Things
No time for a big long thought provoking post today so just some randomness...
I love when I pick Colin up from daycare he says, "Mommy...turn the music off and let's talk about Jesus some." Then we do the question/answer of his "The Things I Know" and then he comes up with other questions like..."Did God make animals?" "Was God the first boy?" "Is God a girl?" And my personal favorite so far: "Does God tinkle in the potty?"
I also love that he is starting to ask to pray. Now right now his prayers consist of thanking God for people he loves, asking God to keep the animals safe and thanking God for chicken nuggets. Josh is mortified by these prayers..."MOM! He is thanking God for chicken nuggets...you don't pray about chicken nuggets! Are you going to let him do that?"
I love that Josh has a heart for people. He doesn't always know how to verbalize his thoughts/feelings but he is the first one to take his extra change to Sunday School to help buy chickens and goats for people in Africa. He is the first one to take his candy and break it in half to share with Colin. When we were at Disney in October our travel agent had sent the boys several of those glow stick things you can link together and make bracelets and whatnot. We broke them out at the Halloween parade and there were several kids sitting around us. Before I knew it Josh was taking the bracelets and passing them out. This year we want to find ways to help develop this compassion in Josh. He is shy and quiet and it is out of his comfort zone to put himself out there so we want to help him feel more comfortable or at least take some risks.
I love that Patrick even at 15 years old will still run out to chase down my car if I leave for work and forget to hug him goodbye. I love that each morning he sends me a text to say "Hi" or to "Have a good day." Like I said yesterday, he has his teenage moments but overall I've hit the jackpot when it comes to my kids.
I've never been a parent that thinks my kids are perfect and every single tiny thing they do is worth the entire world stopping and taking notice. I know that sometimes they can be selfish, annoying, tattling, whiny and complaining kids who screw up but I think they are pretty awesome and I love them warts and all.
That's okay because sometimes I can be selfish, annoying, tattling, whiny and complaining and boy, oh boy, can I screw up, but my heavenly Abba Father thinks I'm pretty awesome and loves me warts and all too.
I love when I pick Colin up from daycare he says, "Mommy...turn the music off and let's talk about Jesus some." Then we do the question/answer of his "The Things I Know" and then he comes up with other questions like..."Did God make animals?" "Was God the first boy?" "Is God a girl?" And my personal favorite so far: "Does God tinkle in the potty?"
I also love that he is starting to ask to pray. Now right now his prayers consist of thanking God for people he loves, asking God to keep the animals safe and thanking God for chicken nuggets. Josh is mortified by these prayers..."MOM! He is thanking God for chicken nuggets...you don't pray about chicken nuggets! Are you going to let him do that?"
I love that Josh has a heart for people. He doesn't always know how to verbalize his thoughts/feelings but he is the first one to take his extra change to Sunday School to help buy chickens and goats for people in Africa. He is the first one to take his candy and break it in half to share with Colin. When we were at Disney in October our travel agent had sent the boys several of those glow stick things you can link together and make bracelets and whatnot. We broke them out at the Halloween parade and there were several kids sitting around us. Before I knew it Josh was taking the bracelets and passing them out. This year we want to find ways to help develop this compassion in Josh. He is shy and quiet and it is out of his comfort zone to put himself out there so we want to help him feel more comfortable or at least take some risks.
I love that Patrick even at 15 years old will still run out to chase down my car if I leave for work and forget to hug him goodbye. I love that each morning he sends me a text to say "Hi" or to "Have a good day." Like I said yesterday, he has his teenage moments but overall I've hit the jackpot when it comes to my kids.
I've never been a parent that thinks my kids are perfect and every single tiny thing they do is worth the entire world stopping and taking notice. I know that sometimes they can be selfish, annoying, tattling, whiny and complaining kids who screw up but I think they are pretty awesome and I love them warts and all.
That's okay because sometimes I can be selfish, annoying, tattling, whiny and complaining and boy, oh boy, can I screw up, but my heavenly Abba Father thinks I'm pretty awesome and loves me warts and all too.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Independence and Balance
If you currently have or ever have had a teenager then you will totally get this post. If you don't have a teenager yet but your kidlets are still little people who think you know everything and love you all the time then let me just tell you...your day is coming.
Patrick and I have always had a cool bond. My pregnancy with him was touch and go due to many stress factors and health concerns. He was induced 4 weeks early and was 4 pounds when he was born. We left the hospital and went home to my parent's house for a few days and I was his primary caretaker from then on out until John and I married when Patrick was 4. We are a lot alike...this is sometimes a problem. I get Patrick and where he is coming from much of the time.
He turned 15 back in November and he has entered those later teenage years full throttle. He knows more than I do. He thinks I'm ridiculous, over protective, controlling and that everything I do is with the end goal to try and make his life miserable.
I remember 15 too. I thought my mother was ridiculous, over protective, controlling and that everything she did was with the end goal to try and make my life miserable. Turns out that wasn't exactly true as I look back on it from my 36 year old perspective. Wait....36...is that right? Am I 36 now...hold up...2012 minus 1975. Yep...look at that...I'm 36 until April. When did that happen?
I digress. So...Patrick is at the stage where he wants to be independent. He wants to make his own choices and he wants us to just sit back and finance these choices and never tell him our opinion or why something he is leaning toward might not be the best option.
Time out for a second: Patrick is a good kid. I have no complaints for the most part. He's polite. He's smart. He stays out of trouble. He has his moments like all kids do but overall? He's a good egg. That doesn't mean he isn't all hormones and angst and an eye rolling teenager either. OH...HE IS.
We are in that funny position where how much do we let him make some of his own choices, even if we disagree, and how much do we just lay down the law and he can like it or lump it? This is a tricky slope to be on.
While it is really awesome to see him think things through and make his own conclusions and see him turning into this independent person it also is hard to sit back and not intervene when we feel he is making an unwise decision.
I imagine this is much like God feels with us at times. He sees us making an unwise choice and he can see down the line and knows the pain it will bring us but we want our independence so he has to sit back and let us hit those brick walls at times.
You may remember we had a discussion last week about Drill Team. Patrick has now decided to quit Drill Team. And by "decided to quit" I mean he already went and quit and just filled us in after it was a done deal. He doesn't like the way things are being handled. He doesn't like the time commitment. He feels it isn't a good use of his time. Okay. So...we went back and forth. Do we let him quit? Do we insist he follow through this year and he can decide if he wants to participate next year or not? Should we talk to the instructor and get his version of how things are handled? Just numerous questions on how to handle.
And so it begins. Teenagers sometimes go through this phase where they withdraw. They are trying to figure out what they want to do and what they want to skip. Things they seemed to show an interest in fall by the wayside and then they are interested in all these new things. It can be both good and bad depending on what things are replacing others.
It is frustrating as a parent because you struggle with which things you should let them let go and which things you should insist they do.
I wish I could say I have it figured out and here is the solution...but I don't. We still go round and round on how you manage their independence while also balancing out things you feel are important for them to participate in.
If I ever figure it out I'll write a book and let everybody else in on the secret. For now, we are trying to honor his choices in some areas and not give in on others that we feel are important.
And if you are a parent with little people who still think you hung the moon....treasure it. I hear that the teenagers eventually come back around and while they never think you hung the moon again they do start to appreciate the sacrifices you make and get where you are coming from one day.
I know for me it all came back around when I held that little 4 pound bundle and knew I would do anything to keep him safe. I got my parents a lot more then.
Patrick and I have always had a cool bond. My pregnancy with him was touch and go due to many stress factors and health concerns. He was induced 4 weeks early and was 4 pounds when he was born. We left the hospital and went home to my parent's house for a few days and I was his primary caretaker from then on out until John and I married when Patrick was 4. We are a lot alike...this is sometimes a problem. I get Patrick and where he is coming from much of the time.
He turned 15 back in November and he has entered those later teenage years full throttle. He knows more than I do. He thinks I'm ridiculous, over protective, controlling and that everything I do is with the end goal to try and make his life miserable.
I remember 15 too. I thought my mother was ridiculous, over protective, controlling and that everything she did was with the end goal to try and make my life miserable. Turns out that wasn't exactly true as I look back on it from my 36 year old perspective. Wait....36...is that right? Am I 36 now...hold up...2012 minus 1975. Yep...look at that...I'm 36 until April. When did that happen?
I digress. So...Patrick is at the stage where he wants to be independent. He wants to make his own choices and he wants us to just sit back and finance these choices and never tell him our opinion or why something he is leaning toward might not be the best option.
Time out for a second: Patrick is a good kid. I have no complaints for the most part. He's polite. He's smart. He stays out of trouble. He has his moments like all kids do but overall? He's a good egg. That doesn't mean he isn't all hormones and angst and an eye rolling teenager either. OH...HE IS.
We are in that funny position where how much do we let him make some of his own choices, even if we disagree, and how much do we just lay down the law and he can like it or lump it? This is a tricky slope to be on.
While it is really awesome to see him think things through and make his own conclusions and see him turning into this independent person it also is hard to sit back and not intervene when we feel he is making an unwise decision.
I imagine this is much like God feels with us at times. He sees us making an unwise choice and he can see down the line and knows the pain it will bring us but we want our independence so he has to sit back and let us hit those brick walls at times.
You may remember we had a discussion last week about Drill Team. Patrick has now decided to quit Drill Team. And by "decided to quit" I mean he already went and quit and just filled us in after it was a done deal. He doesn't like the way things are being handled. He doesn't like the time commitment. He feels it isn't a good use of his time. Okay. So...we went back and forth. Do we let him quit? Do we insist he follow through this year and he can decide if he wants to participate next year or not? Should we talk to the instructor and get his version of how things are handled? Just numerous questions on how to handle.
And so it begins. Teenagers sometimes go through this phase where they withdraw. They are trying to figure out what they want to do and what they want to skip. Things they seemed to show an interest in fall by the wayside and then they are interested in all these new things. It can be both good and bad depending on what things are replacing others.
It is frustrating as a parent because you struggle with which things you should let them let go and which things you should insist they do.
I wish I could say I have it figured out and here is the solution...but I don't. We still go round and round on how you manage their independence while also balancing out things you feel are important for them to participate in.
If I ever figure it out I'll write a book and let everybody else in on the secret. For now, we are trying to honor his choices in some areas and not give in on others that we feel are important.
And if you are a parent with little people who still think you hung the moon....treasure it. I hear that the teenagers eventually come back around and while they never think you hung the moon again they do start to appreciate the sacrifices you make and get where you are coming from one day.
I know for me it all came back around when I held that little 4 pound bundle and knew I would do anything to keep him safe. I got my parents a lot more then.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Meet Our Other 2 Kids
This is Mercy. She lives in Kenya. After sponsoring Palden I felt drawn to take on another child so January 28, 2010 we became Mercy's sponsors. She is on our fridge as well. She is 11.
Each month we are drafted what amounts to one meal out for our family and that money is sent to provide for educational and physical needs for Palden and Mercy. Once a year we send an extra Family Gift that they are allowed to use to purchase items for their homes or livestock to help them provide for their families. At Christmas we are allowed to send another extra gift. For birthdays we are allowed to send up to $25 to provide for some special things for our child.
Both Palden and Mercy have written to us to thank us from their families and to share with us what they were able to purchase. Some of their favorite things over the last 2 years have been a goat, chickens, bedsheets, underwear and new school supplies.
Both Palden and Mercy love them some Jesus. They write such heartfelt letters and ask about their brothers...Patrick...Josh...Colin and how they are doing in their studies and with their chores. :o)
If you are in any way able to take on sponsoring a child through Compassion this is an amazing way to introduce your child to someone else on the other side of the world and build a relationship by investing in them.
As part of our living deliberately we are going to step up our letter writing to Palden and Mercy each month and see if we can possibly take on one more child. How cool it would be to have a sponsored child for each of my biological children.
It is one of my dreams to one day be able to go on a Compassion trip and meet both of my other kids and their mothers. But, should that never happen how awesome to know I'll meet them one day after this world ends.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Apologizing to our kids
I'm not good with apologies. I struggle saying I am wrong. Step 10 in Celebrate Recovery is: We continued to take a personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
Yeah...that one stings.
Wednesday afternoon I was working with Josh on his homework. Josh is my child that I have the hardest time relating to. I love him to tiny little pieces but I don't get his personality many times. He is very sensitive. He takes things deeply personal. No matter how you say something to Josh he doesn't do well with anything negative.
I tend to separate people into 2 categories: You are a Fluffy Bunny or you are a Porcupine. I'm a Porcupine. Josh is a Fluffy Bunny. Both have their pros and cons.
Working on this homework...MATH...which I don't speak...he was not focusing because he was thinking about his friend coming over to spend the afternoon with us while his Mom had to take care of something with the other kids. He was making careless mistakes and I was frustrated. I had asked him several times to focus and to try the problem again and he just shuts down.
Finally I yelled, (I yell sometimes. I know it isn't a good thing and I'm sure none of you ever do it) "Are you kidding me right now? This is 3rd grade Math, Josh. You are in 4th grade...COME ON!"
And those Bambi eyes tear up and he puts his pencil down and he is done. We struggle through the final problem and then I leave for church feeling frustrated and upset and guilty because of the yelling which I know none of you ever do.
He was already in bed when I got home from CR Wednesday night then I left early on Thursday morning so that afternoon I had to go to him and apologize. We don't do this enough as parents when we screw up. We need to apologize and leave out all the reasons and justifications and just tell them "Hey...I'm sorry. I was wrong with the way I handled that. I'll try better next time. Can you forgive me?"
I don't think this makes our kids be in control nor does it diminish our authority as the parent but it teaches them how to give grace to someone. How will they learn to be adults who can admit when they are wrong and ask for forgiveness if we don't teach it to them when they are kids? It isn't something you just grasp all of a sudden when you reach the magic age of 18 and are considered to be an adult.
So...the lesson for today? Learning how to apologize to my kids. Showing them humility and what it looks like to recognize when I'm wrong and to let them extend grace toward me.
Yeah...that one stings.
Wednesday afternoon I was working with Josh on his homework. Josh is my child that I have the hardest time relating to. I love him to tiny little pieces but I don't get his personality many times. He is very sensitive. He takes things deeply personal. No matter how you say something to Josh he doesn't do well with anything negative.
I tend to separate people into 2 categories: You are a Fluffy Bunny or you are a Porcupine. I'm a Porcupine. Josh is a Fluffy Bunny. Both have their pros and cons.
Working on this homework...MATH...which I don't speak...he was not focusing because he was thinking about his friend coming over to spend the afternoon with us while his Mom had to take care of something with the other kids. He was making careless mistakes and I was frustrated. I had asked him several times to focus and to try the problem again and he just shuts down.
Finally I yelled, (I yell sometimes. I know it isn't a good thing and I'm sure none of you ever do it) "Are you kidding me right now? This is 3rd grade Math, Josh. You are in 4th grade...COME ON!"
And those Bambi eyes tear up and he puts his pencil down and he is done. We struggle through the final problem and then I leave for church feeling frustrated and upset and guilty because of the yelling which I know none of you ever do.
He was already in bed when I got home from CR Wednesday night then I left early on Thursday morning so that afternoon I had to go to him and apologize. We don't do this enough as parents when we screw up. We need to apologize and leave out all the reasons and justifications and just tell them "Hey...I'm sorry. I was wrong with the way I handled that. I'll try better next time. Can you forgive me?"
I don't think this makes our kids be in control nor does it diminish our authority as the parent but it teaches them how to give grace to someone. How will they learn to be adults who can admit when they are wrong and ask for forgiveness if we don't teach it to them when they are kids? It isn't something you just grasp all of a sudden when you reach the magic age of 18 and are considered to be an adult.
So...the lesson for today? Learning how to apologize to my kids. Showing them humility and what it looks like to recognize when I'm wrong and to let them extend grace toward me.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Whatever consumes you eventually conforms you
This was a central theme in a guest pastor's sermon we had in 2008. I ran across my notes from it earlier today and wanted to revisit it in relation to how I want my kids to spend their time/resources/gifts. Really think about it. What consumes you eventually conforms you.
His sermon was titled, "Worship Matters" and we walked through what idols are in our lives that replace God. Everyone is a worshipper...the question becomes...what is it that you are worshipping?
Money? Success? Relationships? Your kids? Sports? Want to guess how many uncomfortable people there were when he made the comment, "How many Sundays have you missed worshipping your God because your child had a ballgame?" Couple of very loud AMENS. I go to a church where we have a precious man that sits on the very front row and when he agrees with something you can bet he expresses it. Love him!
Psalms 115: 1-8
Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.
Why do the nations say, "Where is their God?"
Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him.
But their idols are silver and gold, made by the hands of men.
They have mouths, but cannot speak, eyes, but they cannot see;
they have ears, but cannot hear, noses, but they cannot smell;
they have hands, but cannot feel, feet, but they cannot walk;
nor can they utter a sound with their throats.
Those who make them will be like them, and so will all who trust in them.
Their idols are silver and gold...pretty to look at...but useless. They have mouths, eyes, ears, noses, hands and feet but can do nothing.
I think people are born with wanting a purpose, a goal, a plan, a place to fit, longing, desire to belong to something bigger than themselves, etc. This is why I think there are so many addictions out there. People looking for something to make them feel whole. Alcohol. Drugs. Sex. Exercise. Shopping. Eating. Money. Success. Being a super parent. Being a super spouse. Being a super anything. Something to make us feel complete. There is nothing wrong with having ambition or goals but does it consume my life? For me, my job consumed my life for 10 years. I ate slept and breathed work. I was climbing that corporate ladder...ambition ruled me. In an instant it was taken away from me and for a while I felt my identity was gone. So I had to learn who I was again and what I learned is that a job doesn't define me. My identity is found in Christ alone.
To find out what you worship follow the trail of how you spend your time, your money, your thoughts...If I'm consumed by something I'm going to shape my life around it. I'm going to want to do whatever I can to be filled with it. It will be an overwhelming desire for me to draw near to it, to learn all I can about it, to have it all around me.
That's my prayer. To be consumed with Christ. It may sound crazy to you but oh the desire of my heart is for me and my family to be consumed. To have as much passion for my God as I see others have for a sports team or a relationship or a job or a hobby...
I'm so not there but I pray I step closer every day...that I learn from my failures...that I trust in God's perfect plan even when I can't see how it works...that I live a life of example and not just words.
That I show my kids daily how to be consumed with the right things.
His sermon was titled, "Worship Matters" and we walked through what idols are in our lives that replace God. Everyone is a worshipper...the question becomes...what is it that you are worshipping?
Money? Success? Relationships? Your kids? Sports? Want to guess how many uncomfortable people there were when he made the comment, "How many Sundays have you missed worshipping your God because your child had a ballgame?" Couple of very loud AMENS. I go to a church where we have a precious man that sits on the very front row and when he agrees with something you can bet he expresses it. Love him!
Psalms 115: 1-8
Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.
Why do the nations say, "Where is their God?"
Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him.
But their idols are silver and gold, made by the hands of men.
They have mouths, but cannot speak, eyes, but they cannot see;
they have ears, but cannot hear, noses, but they cannot smell;
they have hands, but cannot feel, feet, but they cannot walk;
nor can they utter a sound with their throats.
Those who make them will be like them, and so will all who trust in them.
Their idols are silver and gold...pretty to look at...but useless. They have mouths, eyes, ears, noses, hands and feet but can do nothing.
I think people are born with wanting a purpose, a goal, a plan, a place to fit, longing, desire to belong to something bigger than themselves, etc. This is why I think there are so many addictions out there. People looking for something to make them feel whole. Alcohol. Drugs. Sex. Exercise. Shopping. Eating. Money. Success. Being a super parent. Being a super spouse. Being a super anything. Something to make us feel complete. There is nothing wrong with having ambition or goals but does it consume my life? For me, my job consumed my life for 10 years. I ate slept and breathed work. I was climbing that corporate ladder...ambition ruled me. In an instant it was taken away from me and for a while I felt my identity was gone. So I had to learn who I was again and what I learned is that a job doesn't define me. My identity is found in Christ alone.
To find out what you worship follow the trail of how you spend your time, your money, your thoughts...If I'm consumed by something I'm going to shape my life around it. I'm going to want to do whatever I can to be filled with it. It will be an overwhelming desire for me to draw near to it, to learn all I can about it, to have it all around me.
That's my prayer. To be consumed with Christ. It may sound crazy to you but oh the desire of my heart is for me and my family to be consumed. To have as much passion for my God as I see others have for a sports team or a relationship or a job or a hobby...
I'm so not there but I pray I step closer every day...that I learn from my failures...that I trust in God's perfect plan even when I can't see how it works...that I live a life of example and not just words.
That I show my kids daily how to be consumed with the right things.
Biblical truths I want my kids to know
Colin is a sponge. Seriously...he soaks up every tiny piece of information even when you think he isn't listening. I decided I wanted to work with him on learning truths about God but where to start? Would he be able to concentrate and memorize things and really get them? Would he find it enjoyable or would he just be memorizing facts but not know the meaning behind them?
I ran across Catechism for Small Children...you can find the link on this blog under the Helpful Links category. Our Youth Minister mentioned he and his wife do something similar with their children and the idea intrigued me.
So one afternoon after I picked Colin up from daycare I asked him, "Colin...who made you?" and he quickly said, "You did." So we talked about that and that Mommy and Daddy loved each other very much and wanted to add another sweet baby to our family so we prayed for God to give us one. That my body carried him but that God placed him there so God made him. He thought about it for a little while and decided he was good with that then he said, "Tell me another thing about God." Our afternoon ritual was born.
He calls these question/answers "The Things I Know" and almost each afternoon he will say, "Mommy...teach me another thing to know."
So far he knows the following:
Who made you? God
Why did he make you? For his glory. {He started out with "For his glory...and to play cars" and we went with that. Eventually after talking more about it he dropped the playing cars part}.
What else did God make? EVERYTHING. This comes with huge hand motions.
Where is God? EVERYWHERE. Again...hand motions.
How many gods are there? There is only one God.
Who is God's son? Jesus.
How do we show God we love him? By doing the things he says to do.
I am in awe of how quickly he is grasping the information but not only repeating facts back to me but asking questions and taking the thoughts out further in his 3 year old way.
I don't expect him to be able to spout theology and explain the Trinity to me just yet but it is way cool to hear him speak truth.
I ran across Catechism for Small Children...you can find the link on this blog under the Helpful Links category. Our Youth Minister mentioned he and his wife do something similar with their children and the idea intrigued me.
So one afternoon after I picked Colin up from daycare I asked him, "Colin...who made you?" and he quickly said, "You did." So we talked about that and that Mommy and Daddy loved each other very much and wanted to add another sweet baby to our family so we prayed for God to give us one. That my body carried him but that God placed him there so God made him. He thought about it for a little while and decided he was good with that then he said, "Tell me another thing about God." Our afternoon ritual was born.
He calls these question/answers "The Things I Know" and almost each afternoon he will say, "Mommy...teach me another thing to know."
So far he knows the following:
Who made you? God
Why did he make you? For his glory. {He started out with "For his glory...and to play cars" and we went with that. Eventually after talking more about it he dropped the playing cars part}.
What else did God make? EVERYTHING. This comes with huge hand motions.
Where is God? EVERYWHERE. Again...hand motions.
How many gods are there? There is only one God.
Who is God's son? Jesus.
How do we show God we love him? By doing the things he says to do.
I am in awe of how quickly he is grasping the information but not only repeating facts back to me but asking questions and taking the thoughts out further in his 3 year old way.
I don't expect him to be able to spout theology and explain the Trinity to me just yet but it is way cool to hear him speak truth.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Commitments
I don't know about you but I sometimes find myself completely burning the candle at both ends and feeling overwhelmed like something has to give.
I have learned in the past few years to say "No" at times and not feel guilty if I'm stressed and need to re-evaluate what I have on my plate. Remember when Jesus took a break from the crowds to get away and rest and get some focus? Yeah? If Jesus needed to do then I surely do. Honoring our commitments but also being mindful of how much we can realistically do is a hard thing to master. You don't want to have so much stuff going on that you are only giving 25% to 4 things instead of being all in to one thing.
Patrick called me on my drive home yesterday to tell me he needed to be logged on the computer when I got home to work on this big Journalism project. {Sidenote: We don't leave our computer logged on and just open for the kids to use at any time. It is password protected and they have to come to one of us and ask to be logged on when they need it or want to play a game or whatever. If you don't have your computer password protected, use some type of monitoring program or have time limits for computer time I strongly suggest you think about implementing something}.
Seeing that it was only 3:15 and I know he has Drill Team Practice until 5PM my spidey senses were on high alert so I asked why he wasn't at drill. After much hemming and hawing (Is "hemming and hawing" a Southern thing? Do my Northern friends say this? If not, you should) he finally came to the point that he was given the assignment on Friday and had all of the long holiday weekend to work on it but he "forgot" and therefore he needed to get it all done last night. Did I mention he has guitar lessons from 6:00--6:30 on Tuesdays which means we have to leave our house at 5:30 and don't get home until 7PM?
After I expressed frustration with this I told him I would log him on when I got home at 4PM but he could not use the computer for anything later in the night other than the homework assignment.
This made him an unhappy camper. "Wait. What? What about when I'm finished with the assignment?"
I explained that he made a commitment to be on Drill Team and they practice 3 days a week most weeks. By skipping out on practice to do an assignment at the last minute he was not honoring the commitment he made. He chose not to do the assignment over the weekend and he chose to skip out on drill. Because of these choices there were consequences...namely he was going to have to rush to get the assignment done and probably not put forth his best effort and he lost computer privileges for the night.
For those who don't have teenagers yet...taking away the computer seems to be akin to cutting off one of their limbs with no anesthesia then pouring pure alcohol on it. See also: "Taking away the cellphone" and I'm guessing "Taking away the car" at a later date.
He argued his point that as long as he got the assignment done he didn't see why he was being punished. So...we went back over it again. Had he worked on the assignment over the weekend he wouldn't have felt the need to skip drill and then he wouldn't have been grounded from the computer for the evening. Choices have consequences.
His 15 year old resolution was "Fine. I'll quit drill!" I think it was at this point I had to start doing some deep breathing exercises but I managed to keep it together and tell him that if felt like quitting drill was what he needed to do then we would honor that choice but he needed to remember he needs some extracurricular activities on his resume. Just being a good student doesn't cut it anymore with colleges. They want you well rounded and to show leadership skills.
He worked on the assignment for a little while before we had to leave for guitar lessons. It worked out where it would just be the two of us on the drive down to Montevallo. Now some people would call this a "teaching moment" but I call it "trapped in the car with no escape so you have to at least pretend you are listening to me".
I talked to him about commitments and why it is so important to honor things we say we will do. That the whole "your word is your bond" thing is a big deal. Being a person of integrity goes a long way. Think about it. If someone has lied to you or let you down when you depended on them it stings and we remember it. If this same person has done it time and time again then we don't think of them as being a trustworthy or dependable person.
I also talked to him a little about this year and things we want to try as a family. We talked about stretching ourselves, getting out of our comfort zones and being more obedient instead of doing "just enough" with our lives.
I think he glazed out about 15 minutes into the drive so I figured that was enough for one night.
Hopefully the lesson learned for today: Honoring our commitments.
I have learned in the past few years to say "No" at times and not feel guilty if I'm stressed and need to re-evaluate what I have on my plate. Remember when Jesus took a break from the crowds to get away and rest and get some focus? Yeah? If Jesus needed to do then I surely do. Honoring our commitments but also being mindful of how much we can realistically do is a hard thing to master. You don't want to have so much stuff going on that you are only giving 25% to 4 things instead of being all in to one thing.
Patrick called me on my drive home yesterday to tell me he needed to be logged on the computer when I got home to work on this big Journalism project. {Sidenote: We don't leave our computer logged on and just open for the kids to use at any time. It is password protected and they have to come to one of us and ask to be logged on when they need it or want to play a game or whatever. If you don't have your computer password protected, use some type of monitoring program or have time limits for computer time I strongly suggest you think about implementing something}.
Seeing that it was only 3:15 and I know he has Drill Team Practice until 5PM my spidey senses were on high alert so I asked why he wasn't at drill. After much hemming and hawing (Is "hemming and hawing" a Southern thing? Do my Northern friends say this? If not, you should) he finally came to the point that he was given the assignment on Friday and had all of the long holiday weekend to work on it but he "forgot" and therefore he needed to get it all done last night. Did I mention he has guitar lessons from 6:00--6:30 on Tuesdays which means we have to leave our house at 5:30 and don't get home until 7PM?
After I expressed frustration with this I told him I would log him on when I got home at 4PM but he could not use the computer for anything later in the night other than the homework assignment.
This made him an unhappy camper. "Wait. What? What about when I'm finished with the assignment?"
I explained that he made a commitment to be on Drill Team and they practice 3 days a week most weeks. By skipping out on practice to do an assignment at the last minute he was not honoring the commitment he made. He chose not to do the assignment over the weekend and he chose to skip out on drill. Because of these choices there were consequences...namely he was going to have to rush to get the assignment done and probably not put forth his best effort and he lost computer privileges for the night.
For those who don't have teenagers yet...taking away the computer seems to be akin to cutting off one of their limbs with no anesthesia then pouring pure alcohol on it. See also: "Taking away the cellphone" and I'm guessing "Taking away the car" at a later date.
He argued his point that as long as he got the assignment done he didn't see why he was being punished. So...we went back over it again. Had he worked on the assignment over the weekend he wouldn't have felt the need to skip drill and then he wouldn't have been grounded from the computer for the evening. Choices have consequences.
His 15 year old resolution was "Fine. I'll quit drill!" I think it was at this point I had to start doing some deep breathing exercises but I managed to keep it together and tell him that if felt like quitting drill was what he needed to do then we would honor that choice but he needed to remember he needs some extracurricular activities on his resume. Just being a good student doesn't cut it anymore with colleges. They want you well rounded and to show leadership skills.
He worked on the assignment for a little while before we had to leave for guitar lessons. It worked out where it would just be the two of us on the drive down to Montevallo. Now some people would call this a "teaching moment" but I call it "trapped in the car with no escape so you have to at least pretend you are listening to me".
I talked to him about commitments and why it is so important to honor things we say we will do. That the whole "your word is your bond" thing is a big deal. Being a person of integrity goes a long way. Think about it. If someone has lied to you or let you down when you depended on them it stings and we remember it. If this same person has done it time and time again then we don't think of them as being a trustworthy or dependable person.
I also talked to him a little about this year and things we want to try as a family. We talked about stretching ourselves, getting out of our comfort zones and being more obedient instead of doing "just enough" with our lives.
I think he glazed out about 15 minutes into the drive so I figured that was enough for one night.
Hopefully the lesson learned for today: Honoring our commitments.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Kicking Things Off
Living deliberately? What does that look like? What does it mean? Just by living aren't you living deliberately?
It all started with a Date Night...some of you may remember those others may be scratching your head. Date Night is where you spend some quality time with your spouse without the little people that live in your home.
Our Date Night was Saturday night. We headed off to dinner and during the conversation we talked about our kids. What will our family look like in a year? 5 years? 10 years? And as we started talking we talked about things we have done with our kids over the years and things we haven't done.
Have we done our primary function as parents by pointing our kids to the cross at all times? No...epic fail.
Have we consistently let our kids see us in God's word or having a quiet time? No again.
Have we made sure to instill in our kids Biblical truths and make sure they have scripture hidden in their hearts? Not so much.
Have we let our kids hear us pray for them out loud? Have we prayed blessings over our kids before bed or when they head out the door for school? Nada. We are 0 for 4 here people...not such good odds.
So we talked about how we want to raise our kids...Patrick is 15. We probably have 3 good years left before he will go to college and start making monumental decisions all on his own. Have we prepared him or have we done the minimum and just hoped he picked things up from church or other people? Josh is 9 and he is starting to show a very compassionate heart for others. Have we helped develop this? Do we put him in situations to help bring out his heart? Colin is 3. What can he tell you about Jesus? Does he have a basic understanding of God and his love?
The answer to most of these questions is that we have done the basic stuff. We take our kids to church. We try to instruct them in right vs. wrong. We monitor their computer use. We keep in touch with who their friends are. But is that enough?
The answer we came up with is no. Not by far.
So we are going to live deliberately in 2012. We are starting a couple weeks late but no time like the present.
We want to invest in our kids and pour things into them over the next year and hopefully well beyond that.
So this blog will be talking only about my kids and things we as a family are doing to try and live deliberately. There may be funny stories...who am I kidding...if you've met my family there WILL be funny stories. There will be thoughts about things we try that work and don't work. But we want to see how God moves in the next 12 months when we stop doing the basics and start living deliberately.
It all started with a Date Night...some of you may remember those others may be scratching your head. Date Night is where you spend some quality time with your spouse without the little people that live in your home.
Our Date Night was Saturday night. We headed off to dinner and during the conversation we talked about our kids. What will our family look like in a year? 5 years? 10 years? And as we started talking we talked about things we have done with our kids over the years and things we haven't done.
Have we done our primary function as parents by pointing our kids to the cross at all times? No...epic fail.
Have we consistently let our kids see us in God's word or having a quiet time? No again.
Have we made sure to instill in our kids Biblical truths and make sure they have scripture hidden in their hearts? Not so much.
Have we let our kids hear us pray for them out loud? Have we prayed blessings over our kids before bed or when they head out the door for school? Nada. We are 0 for 4 here people...not such good odds.
So we talked about how we want to raise our kids...Patrick is 15. We probably have 3 good years left before he will go to college and start making monumental decisions all on his own. Have we prepared him or have we done the minimum and just hoped he picked things up from church or other people? Josh is 9 and he is starting to show a very compassionate heart for others. Have we helped develop this? Do we put him in situations to help bring out his heart? Colin is 3. What can he tell you about Jesus? Does he have a basic understanding of God and his love?
The answer to most of these questions is that we have done the basic stuff. We take our kids to church. We try to instruct them in right vs. wrong. We monitor their computer use. We keep in touch with who their friends are. But is that enough?
The answer we came up with is no. Not by far.
So we are going to live deliberately in 2012. We are starting a couple weeks late but no time like the present.
We want to invest in our kids and pour things into them over the next year and hopefully well beyond that.
So this blog will be talking only about my kids and things we as a family are doing to try and live deliberately. There may be funny stories...who am I kidding...if you've met my family there WILL be funny stories. There will be thoughts about things we try that work and don't work. But we want to see how God moves in the next 12 months when we stop doing the basics and start living deliberately.
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