"Is it okay to fail?' For the last 24 hours these words have haunted my thoughts, kept me awake and rocked my world.
Yesterday in a counseling session (yes...I do counseling...it's okay...I promise) I was asked, "Kristin, I want to ask you something and I want you to think and then answer with brutal honesty...is it okay to fail?"
I paused and then I became uncomfortable. "Well...that depends. It isn't really black and white...there are gray..."
"Kristin. Yes or no. Is it okay to fail?"
"But...you see...it isn't just a yes or no question. Do you mean professionally or spiritually or..."
"I mean exactly what I said...is it okay to fail?"
And then I got flustered and he pushed and I argued and he kept pushing and I blurted out, "No! No...it is not acceptable to fail."
And he sat back, tented his fingers and let that sink in then asked me why I hold myself to such high and impossible standards and...and this is the one that got me...why do I hold others to such high and impossible standards that they can never meet?
I walked out of there with my head kind of swimming. *Do* I do that? I know I'm not perfect...I fail constantly but doing something and accepting something as a possibility from the get-go and being okay with it are different. Aren't they?
I am a perfectionist. If I tackle something it needs to be perfect. I don't accept half way. My house is always clean. The menu board always written in each day of meals. The kids' clothes laid out the night before in a neat pile. I can't stand clutter. I rarely sit down once I get home. There is always something that needs to be done. And many of these things are *good* things. Jumping on the trampoline with my boys. Reading a book to them. Playing some insane game with cards where monsters have attack points and they fight each other and you have to calculate your points which I am horrible at because hello? Math! I try to be the very best at my job or any hobby or being a good friend or serving or whatever area you pick. I want to excel and there is nothing wrong with that. But. Is it okay to fail? And, more importantly, am I okay with letting others in my life fail?
As we wrapped up my guy said, "If you never fail or allow others to fail how will you/they know and appreciate the taste of success and how good it can be?"
Mind = blown.
I was talking to a sweet and dear new Mom last night and she was talking about things she does and doesn't do with her little guy. As we talked and she asked my opinion about some things and I heard some of the things I said while this whole failure thing is camped out in my head I thought that I have not allowed my children to fail. I hold them to an almost impossible standard and I don't accept failure.
I focus on things that are not what will matter at the end. I have said numerous times the legacy I want to leave when I exit this Earth is to have invested in my family and those around me. And I mean that. That is what I want more than any other thing. But...I don't always do the things that live out that desire.
So...I'm attempting to fail and I am going to allow others to fail. Even typing that sounds ridiculous to my brain. My brain hasn't quite caught up yet with where my heart is today.
