Teenagers: Not for the faint of heart

Teenagers.  These are creatures that once were your cherub faced want to be near you all the time and thought you were the most awesome thing under the sun.  You go and have a baby and you think every think they do is magic.  They have magic smiles.  Magic coos.  Magic looks.  Magic first steps.  Even their burps and poops become a thing you will talk to complete strangers about.  They melt your heart into tiny pieces with everything they do.

Then they hit the teenage years.  It starts out slowly...they start to do this thing with their eyes where they can't seem to keep them focused and they roll from time to time...specifically when you are talking.  They stop wanting to cuddle with you and in fact will push you away and tell you they are too big for that stuff.  It will break your heart into tiny little pieces.

Then they enter a phase around 15 where they are stuck.  They are too big for kid stuff yet they aren't quite ready for all the responsibility they think they are.  It is just a hard time for them...they have hormones racing and their bodies are all out of whack.  They want so desperately to make their own decisions...and they should be allowed to make some...but not quite as many as they think they are ready for. 

We are at this 15 year stage with our oldest.  Let me straight up say that Patrick is an amazing kid.  He is smarter than I ever thought about being.  He has the best most wickedly funny sense of humor.  He says things that crack me up many times.  He is a great student.  He is helpful and overall respectful to adults he comes in contact with.  I get complimented on him constantly by adults he interacts with.  I could not ask for a better son.  He isn't perfect and I don't expect him to be but in the kid department?  I hit the jackpot when God blessed me with Patrick.

We are having to recognize that he is growing up.  And with growing up comes us, as parents, letting him fly a little bit.  This all hit me out of the blue.  I knew a day was coming he would spread his wings but all of a sudden...that day is pretty much here.  And I'm not ready for it.  He will be legally eligible to drive in 4 months.  I will reach a point where I will hand him keys and watch him drive off and then I will throw up and rock back and forth constantly until he drive back home safe and sound.  What?  Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?

Did you know from the time a child is born you basically have 940 Saturdays before they will on average move out or leave for college?  Doesn't that seem small?  Like it just isn't quite enough time?

Right now we are going through bumps in the road where Patrick thinks we are the most stupid people that ever walked this planet and we are keeping him from doing anything and everything at all because we want to control his every move and his life. 

This is the part that hit me...I distinctly remember telling my mother around...oh...just about 15 that she was a control freak and didn't want me to grow up and I hated her and EVERYBODY else's Mom and Dad let them do things and go places and you know...actually grow up! 

*Side note*  Go ahead and accustom yourself with EVERYBODY ELSE'S PARENTS because when you are engaging with a teenager you will hear about these wonderful parents at least 84 times a day.  They are parents with flowing locks of hair that ride around on unicorns and when they sing rainbows come out of their mouths and they spread nothing but love and joy to their children.  They never say no and they have no rules and theirs is a home of utopia.  You will come to hate EVERYBODY ELSE'S PARENTS I promise you. 

So what advice or glimmer of hope can I offer?  Not a bit.  Okay...okay...I can tell you a few things I have learned here in the trenches...

1)  You can't be your kid's friend and be an effective parent.  Not right now.  One day you can be their friend.  One day long past the teenage years...when they are adults and they possibly have kids of their own.  You will then become more friendly.  My Mom is my friend and has been since right about November 8, 1996.  This is the day I became a Mom and once I held that little 4 pound bundle everything my Mom ever did or said to keep me in line or protect me all made perfect sense.

2)  Your kid is going to go through a period of time where they don't like you very much at all.  This is normal.  And psssstttt...you aren't going to like them at times either.  Totally normal.  You both still love each other...you are just finding your new normal with this teenage person and they are trying to make sense of everything you say because I swear I think it must come out to them like that teacher from Charlie Brown.

3)  You are going to have to let go.  Yeah...I know.  I'm still struggling with this one.  But...it is a fact of life.  Kids grow up.  They start to think for themselves.  They make decisions....not always the best of decisions.  Guess what?  I'm 37 and I still don't always make the best of decisions.  Go figure.

4)  Pick your battles.  That music they are listening to that sounds like someone stepping on a cat while simultaneously banging pots and pans together?  It will pass.  The bigger deal you make out of it the more they will cling to it.  And one day you may even find yourself driving down the road where a song comes on and you both say..."Cool...I love this one..." 

5)  It is more important to raise a kid who has an obedient heart than a kid who only follows the rules to get something or to avoid a punishment.  Patrick struggles with this.  He will argue with me about "I was only 5 minutes past my limit...what is the big deal?"  The big deal isn't the 5 minutes...it truly isn't.  The big deal is having an obedient heart versus a disobedient one. 

6)  My goal as a parent should always be to point my son to the cross.  To teach him about grace.  To show him 2 basic things:  Love God.  Love Others.  The rest?  Just details.

You can take very bit of this advice with a grain of salt because in all honesty?  I screw it up more often than I get it right.  I go to bed many nights thinking how I should have said this or I should have done this or I regret things I did say or opportunities I missed.

I basically have 156 Saturdays left.  My focus is to try and get through the next few and make them the best ones we can.  Little by little.  Both of us learning along the way and both of us screwing it up at times.  But oh...those days we get it right?  Those are awesome days.

Called out by a 4 year old

John and I don't watch a whole lot of TV.  Mainly we watch HGTV and lots of cooking shows.  However, we do enjoy the show Modern Family.  In fact, we crack up at Modern Family.  One of the main characters, Phil, reminds me of John in minor ways so I jokingly call him "Phil" at times.

John's birthday was this past week and I found a talking card that had Phil on it.  As soon as I saw it I knew it would be the card for me to give him.

Phil thinks of himself as quite the hip Dad.  He mortifies his children and wife at various times but he has a heart of gold. 

We put cards up on our fireplace mantle for about a week then we pack them away or toss them depending on how full the card drawer has gotten.

On Friday I was in the living room straightening up for some friends who were stopping by and Colin was helping me.  I was taking the cards down and he asked me if any of the cards sang or talked.  He really enjoys the cards that do.  So I tossed the card my parents gave John that sang and the Phil card to him. 

He danced around to the music on the one card then he opened up the Phil card...

"I'm hip.  I'm cool.  I surf the web.  I text.  LOL.  Laugh Out Loud.  WTF.  Why The Face? OMG.  Oh My God."

And Colin shut the card quickly and looked up at me.  "Why did that man talk about God?"

Being the awesome parent that I am I very quickly said, "Oh...he's just playing around...let's put that card up..." as I reached to take it out of his hands.

But Colin wasn't letting it go.  He looked up at me with those big brown eyes and said, "But we shouldn't say that.  That isn't talking about God nice.  Who gave my Daddy this card?" 

Ouch. 

You ever have those moments where you feel like God just thumped you on the head to get your attention?  Ever have one where you felt like he hit you with a 2 X 4? 

So I took a deep breath and sat down on the couch with Colin and told him that he was right.  We don't talk about God like that and it isn't nice and Mommy was wrong to not think about that. 

He listened to my answer then hopped up and said it was okay because God doesn't stay mad at us if we are sorry and he said he would just go throw that card in the trash.

We have been in the middle of a sermon series on James at my church.  Taming the tongue.  Evaluating our speech...what we say...how we say it...who we say it to...

Not that I think Colin has a firm grasp on theology but apparently he has been paying more attention than his Mom...