Apologizing to our kids

I'm not good with apologies.  I struggle saying I am wrong.  Step 10 in Celebrate Recovery is:  We continued to take a personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. 

Yeah...that one stings. 

Wednesday afternoon I was working with Josh on his homework.  Josh is my child that I have the hardest time relating to.  I love him to tiny little pieces but I don't get his personality many times.  He is very sensitive.  He takes things deeply personal.  No matter how you say something to Josh he doesn't do well with anything negative. 

I tend to separate people into 2 categories:  You are a Fluffy Bunny or you are a Porcupine.  I'm a Porcupine.  Josh is a Fluffy Bunny.  Both have their pros and cons. 

Working on this homework...MATH...which I don't speak...he was not focusing because he was thinking about his friend coming over to spend the afternoon with us while his Mom had to take care of something with the other kids.  He was making careless mistakes and I was frustrated.  I had asked him several times to focus and to try the problem again and he just shuts down. 

Finally I yelled, (I yell sometimes.  I know it isn't a good thing and I'm sure none of you ever do it) "Are you kidding me right now?  This is 3rd grade Math, Josh.  You are in 4th grade...COME ON!" 

And those Bambi eyes tear up and he puts his pencil down and he is done.  We struggle through the final problem and then I leave for church feeling frustrated and upset and guilty because of the yelling which I know none of you ever do.

He was already in bed when I got home from CR Wednesday night then I left early on Thursday morning so that afternoon I had to go to him and apologize.  We don't do this enough as parents when we screw up.  We need to apologize and leave out all the reasons and justifications and just tell them "Hey...I'm sorry.  I was wrong with the way I handled that.  I'll try better next time.  Can you forgive me?"

I don't think this makes our kids be in control nor does it diminish our authority as the parent but it teaches them how to give grace to someone.  How will they learn to be adults who can admit when they are wrong and ask for forgiveness if we don't teach it to them when they are kids?  It isn't something you just grasp all of a sudden when you reach the magic age of 18 and are considered to be an adult.

So...the lesson for today?  Learning how to apologize to my kids.  Showing them humility and what it looks like to recognize when I'm wrong and to let them extend grace toward me.