If you currently have or ever have had a teenager then you will totally get this post. If you don't have a teenager yet but your kidlets are still little people who think you know everything and love you all the time then let me just tell you...your day is coming.
Patrick and I have always had a cool bond. My pregnancy with him was touch and go due to many stress factors and health concerns. He was induced 4 weeks early and was 4 pounds when he was born. We left the hospital and went home to my parent's house for a few days and I was his primary caretaker from then on out until John and I married when Patrick was 4. We are a lot alike...this is sometimes a problem. I get Patrick and where he is coming from much of the time.
He turned 15 back in November and he has entered those later teenage years full throttle. He knows more than I do. He thinks I'm ridiculous, over protective, controlling and that everything I do is with the end goal to try and make his life miserable.
I remember 15 too. I thought my mother was ridiculous, over protective, controlling and that everything she did was with the end goal to try and make my life miserable. Turns out that wasn't exactly true as I look back on it from my 36 year old perspective. Wait....36...is that right? Am I 36 now...hold up...2012 minus 1975. Yep...look at that...I'm 36 until April. When did that happen?
I digress. So...Patrick is at the stage where he wants to be independent. He wants to make his own choices and he wants us to just sit back and finance these choices and never tell him our opinion or why something he is leaning toward might not be the best option.
Time out for a second: Patrick is a good kid. I have no complaints for the most part. He's polite. He's smart. He stays out of trouble. He has his moments like all kids do but overall? He's a good egg. That doesn't mean he isn't all hormones and angst and an eye rolling teenager either. OH...HE IS.
We are in that funny position where how much do we let him make some of his own choices, even if we disagree, and how much do we just lay down the law and he can like it or lump it? This is a tricky slope to be on.
While it is really awesome to see him think things through and make his own conclusions and see him turning into this independent person it also is hard to sit back and not intervene when we feel he is making an unwise decision.
I imagine this is much like God feels with us at times. He sees us making an unwise choice and he can see down the line and knows the pain it will bring us but we want our independence so he has to sit back and let us hit those brick walls at times.
You may remember we had a discussion last week about Drill Team. Patrick has now decided to quit Drill Team. And by "decided to quit" I mean he already went and quit and just filled us in after it was a done deal. He doesn't like the way things are being handled. He doesn't like the time commitment. He feels it isn't a good use of his time. Okay. So...we went back and forth. Do we let him quit? Do we insist he follow through this year and he can decide if he wants to participate next year or not? Should we talk to the instructor and get his version of how things are handled? Just numerous questions on how to handle.
And so it begins. Teenagers sometimes go through this phase where they withdraw. They are trying to figure out what they want to do and what they want to skip. Things they seemed to show an interest in fall by the wayside and then they are interested in all these new things. It can be both good and bad depending on what things are replacing others.
It is frustrating as a parent because you struggle with which things you should let them let go and which things you should insist they do.
I wish I could say I have it figured out and here is the solution...but I don't. We still go round and round on how you manage their independence while also balancing out things you feel are important for them to participate in.
If I ever figure it out I'll write a book and let everybody else in on the secret. For now, we are trying to honor his choices in some areas and not give in on others that we feel are important.
And if you are a parent with little people who still think you hung the moon....treasure it. I hear that the teenagers eventually come back around and while they never think you hung the moon again they do start to appreciate the sacrifices you make and get where you are coming from one day.
I know for me it all came back around when I held that little 4 pound bundle and knew I would do anything to keep him safe. I got my parents a lot more then.
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