Lost Moments

Was at the pool with the boys Saturday afternoon.  I swam with them for a while then decided to get out and let Daddy play for a bit so I could grab some water.

This mother walked in with her children and sat down a chair away from me.  She had a little boy just smaller than Colin and he was so excited to be at the pool.  She spread out her towel and gave the ok and her kids were off into the water except for the little guy.  He said, "Mommy?  Get in the water with me!  Let's play."  And she told him, "I will in a little while...go play by yourself for right now." 

I didn't think anything about it and she got on her phone and began having a rather lengthy conversation. 

After about 15 minutes her little boy came up again with this huge smile on his face.  "Mommy?  Mommy?  The water is so much fun...come get wet with me.  I want to play with you."  And she told him, "I will...in a little while..."  He shrugged and went off to play and she struck up a conversation with a lady that passed by she obviously knew from somewhere.  They talked for a while about a Girls Night they desperately needed.

The little boy wandered over to where John, Colin and Josh were playing and began to play with them.  John was letting Colin jump into the water to him and this little boy started to do the same thing, wanting John to catch him.

His Mom looked over at me and said, "Boy...your husband is going to be tired tonight."  She doesn't know us.  She has no idea the type of man John is.  Now I know he adores children and would never even think of harming a child but she doesn't know that.  She is content to let her little boy play with them rather than take some time with him herself.  She turned over in her chair to better tan and I got this overwhelming sense of sadness then I got MAD.  I sat there thinking this kid deserves better.  He wants you.  He desires time with you.  And you are too busy. 

Then I was convicted.  I've been that Mother in years past.  I was so selfish and put my needs ahead of the amazing gifts I had with my two (at the time) boys.  Lord, I confess I was blind to the enormous responsibility you gave me when you made me a Mother at times past in my life.  But...but I praise and thank you that you changed my heart and made me realize there is no greater joy...no greater calling than to be called Mother. 

I got back in the water to play some more and another 15 minutes went by and we started to gather up our things to head out.  This precious little one came up to his Mother again and was crying, "Mommy?  You said you would get in the water with me.  You said you would play.  Please come play with me..."  And she looked up and snapped, "No!  I'm not going to get in the water...there are plenty of kids to play with.  Go find someone.  Stop begging me!"  And he had this look on his face of complete rejection and he walked off. 

I wanted so badly to stop and tell her what she is missing.  I had to put my sunglasses on to cover up the tears I felt coming at seeing that child's face as he walked away.  Now I don't know this woman...I only know what I observed in an hour at the pool but my heart breaks for her if this is the interaction she has regularly.  I thought on the way home of all the things I wish I had said...or done...or tried to talk to her but I'm sure she would have told me to mind my own business...just as I would have done in the past if anyone had told me how to raise my own kids. 

But as I was going to sleep last night I kept seeing that little boy's face when she told him to go away and stop begging her.  It was heartbreak.  A perfect picture of what heartbreak looks like. 

It is so important to not get so caught up in our lives, jobs, struggles, whatever it is that is taking our focus away from these little lives that have been entrusted to us.  They are gifts.  They are precious.  They are not going to be with us forever. 

Sunday at church Colin reached for me to hold him during the last song of worship.  It is hard for me physically to hold him for a long period of time so I balanced him on the back of the chair in front of us and he held onto me and hugged me while we sang.  We took communion and he leaned over to ask me if it was Jesus' blood and I whispered to him the symbolism of what it is as he looked up at me, very serious and nodded.  I thought back to that sweet little face from the pool and I looked 2 rows up from me and saw a set of parents who lost their little boy recently and my heart again broke for lost moments and for Mothers who don't know even that they have lost anything yet because they are so tied up in life to even see.  I know that Mother would give anything to play in the water with her little boy.  Anything.

I am not a perfect Mother...I make so many mistakes but I do know I am blessed beyond measure to have the 3 boys I have even when they make me crazy and they do things that make me think they are from another planet.  I love them to tiny little pieces.  I would not trade the moments I have held on to over the last 5 years for anything.