I've had an experience in the last week that rocked my world and opened my eyes to the fact that I've been a lazy parent.
I have 3 very active boys. One is a toddler and needs either constant attention or supervision...one is having some struggles with school and needs my help with homework more than the others. And one? One is a teenager. He is more likely to retreat to his room, earbuds in his ear and disappear into a world of his computer (which is monitored) or texting his friends.
There is nothing wrong with him taking some time and space for himself but what I've learned is that I let him stay in his room because honestly...it is easier at times. He's quiet and I can focus on the other kids that are clamoring for my attention. I can make dinner or start a load of laundry or sit down for a few minutes.
But...it is also lazy. I need to take time to engage him and not take the path that is always easier.
I have always prided myself of being a good communicator with my kids and I'm finding that as they get older that is becoming harder to do. It takes more effort. The little one wants to tell me every detail of his day including what he ate for snack and what games he played on the playground. The middle one wants to tell me a few details then he wants me to shut up so he can play with his Legos and have elaborate army battles. The oldest one chooses when he wants to talk or not...sometimes he will tell me all sorts of fun stories but other times it is like pulling teeth to get information from him. All that is part of the season of life they are in.
BUT. I can't allow myself to pick the easy path so often.
Working this week on engaging my kids and finding out what is going on in their worlds. It is just too important not to.
Family
Monday, September 10, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Teenagers: Not for the faint of heart
Teenagers. These are creatures that once were your cherub faced want to be near you all the time and thought you were the most awesome thing under the sun. You go and have a baby and you think every think they do is magic. They have magic smiles. Magic coos. Magic looks. Magic first steps. Even their burps and poops become a thing you will talk to complete strangers about. They melt your heart into tiny pieces with everything they do.
Then they hit the teenage years. It starts out slowly...they start to do this thing with their eyes where they can't seem to keep them focused and they roll from time to time...specifically when you are talking. They stop wanting to cuddle with you and in fact will push you away and tell you they are too big for that stuff. It will break your heart into tiny little pieces.
Then they enter a phase around 15 where they are stuck. They are too big for kid stuff yet they aren't quite ready for all the responsibility they think they are. It is just a hard time for them...they have hormones racing and their bodies are all out of whack. They want so desperately to make their own decisions...and they should be allowed to make some...but not quite as many as they think they are ready for.
We are at this 15 year stage with our oldest. Let me straight up say that Patrick is an amazing kid. He is smarter than I ever thought about being. He has the best most wickedly funny sense of humor. He says things that crack me up many times. He is a great student. He is helpful and overall respectful to adults he comes in contact with. I get complimented on him constantly by adults he interacts with. I could not ask for a better son. He isn't perfect and I don't expect him to be but in the kid department? I hit the jackpot when God blessed me with Patrick.
We are having to recognize that he is growing up. And with growing up comes us, as parents, letting him fly a little bit. This all hit me out of the blue. I knew a day was coming he would spread his wings but all of a sudden...that day is pretty much here. And I'm not ready for it. He will be legally eligible to drive in 4 months. I will reach a point where I will hand him keys and watch him drive off and then I will throw up and rock back and forth constantly until he drive back home safe and sound. What? Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?
Did you know from the time a child is born you basically have 940 Saturdays before they will on average move out or leave for college? Doesn't that seem small? Like it just isn't quite enough time?
Right now we are going through bumps in the road where Patrick thinks we are the most stupid people that ever walked this planet and we are keeping him from doing anything and everything at all because we want to control his every move and his life.
This is the part that hit me...I distinctly remember telling my mother around...oh...just about 15 that she was a control freak and didn't want me to grow up and I hated her and EVERYBODY else's Mom and Dad let them do things and go places and you know...actually grow up!
*Side note* Go ahead and accustom yourself with EVERYBODY ELSE'S PARENTS because when you are engaging with a teenager you will hear about these wonderful parents at least 84 times a day. They are parents with flowing locks of hair that ride around on unicorns and when they sing rainbows come out of their mouths and they spread nothing but love and joy to their children. They never say no and they have no rules and theirs is a home of utopia. You will come to hate EVERYBODY ELSE'S PARENTS I promise you.
So what advice or glimmer of hope can I offer? Not a bit. Okay...okay...I can tell you a few things I have learned here in the trenches...
1) You can't be your kid's friend and be an effective parent. Not right now. One day you can be their friend. One day long past the teenage years...when they are adults and they possibly have kids of their own. You will then become more friendly. My Mom is my friend and has been since right about November 8, 1996. This is the day I became a Mom and once I held that little 4 pound bundle everything my Mom ever did or said to keep me in line or protect me all made perfect sense.
2) Your kid is going to go through a period of time where they don't like you very much at all. This is normal. And psssstttt...you aren't going to like them at times either. Totally normal. You both still love each other...you are just finding your new normal with this teenage person and they are trying to make sense of everything you say because I swear I think it must come out to them like that teacher from Charlie Brown.
3) You are going to have to let go. Yeah...I know. I'm still struggling with this one. But...it is a fact of life. Kids grow up. They start to think for themselves. They make decisions....not always the best of decisions. Guess what? I'm 37 and I still don't always make the best of decisions. Go figure.
4) Pick your battles. That music they are listening to that sounds like someone stepping on a cat while simultaneously banging pots and pans together? It will pass. The bigger deal you make out of it the more they will cling to it. And one day you may even find yourself driving down the road where a song comes on and you both say..."Cool...I love this one..."
5) It is more important to raise a kid who has an obedient heart than a kid who only follows the rules to get something or to avoid a punishment. Patrick struggles with this. He will argue with me about "I was only 5 minutes past my limit...what is the big deal?" The big deal isn't the 5 minutes...it truly isn't. The big deal is having an obedient heart versus a disobedient one.
6) My goal as a parent should always be to point my son to the cross. To teach him about grace. To show him 2 basic things: Love God. Love Others. The rest? Just details.
You can take very bit of this advice with a grain of salt because in all honesty? I screw it up more often than I get it right. I go to bed many nights thinking how I should have said this or I should have done this or I regret things I did say or opportunities I missed.
I basically have 156 Saturdays left. My focus is to try and get through the next few and make them the best ones we can. Little by little. Both of us learning along the way and both of us screwing it up at times. But oh...those days we get it right? Those are awesome days.
Then they hit the teenage years. It starts out slowly...they start to do this thing with their eyes where they can't seem to keep them focused and they roll from time to time...specifically when you are talking. They stop wanting to cuddle with you and in fact will push you away and tell you they are too big for that stuff. It will break your heart into tiny little pieces.
Then they enter a phase around 15 where they are stuck. They are too big for kid stuff yet they aren't quite ready for all the responsibility they think they are. It is just a hard time for them...they have hormones racing and their bodies are all out of whack. They want so desperately to make their own decisions...and they should be allowed to make some...but not quite as many as they think they are ready for.
We are at this 15 year stage with our oldest. Let me straight up say that Patrick is an amazing kid. He is smarter than I ever thought about being. He has the best most wickedly funny sense of humor. He says things that crack me up many times. He is a great student. He is helpful and overall respectful to adults he comes in contact with. I get complimented on him constantly by adults he interacts with. I could not ask for a better son. He isn't perfect and I don't expect him to be but in the kid department? I hit the jackpot when God blessed me with Patrick.
We are having to recognize that he is growing up. And with growing up comes us, as parents, letting him fly a little bit. This all hit me out of the blue. I knew a day was coming he would spread his wings but all of a sudden...that day is pretty much here. And I'm not ready for it. He will be legally eligible to drive in 4 months. I will reach a point where I will hand him keys and watch him drive off and then I will throw up and rock back and forth constantly until he drive back home safe and sound. What? Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?
Did you know from the time a child is born you basically have 940 Saturdays before they will on average move out or leave for college? Doesn't that seem small? Like it just isn't quite enough time?
Right now we are going through bumps in the road where Patrick thinks we are the most stupid people that ever walked this planet and we are keeping him from doing anything and everything at all because we want to control his every move and his life.
This is the part that hit me...I distinctly remember telling my mother around...oh...just about 15 that she was a control freak and didn't want me to grow up and I hated her and EVERYBODY else's Mom and Dad let them do things and go places and you know...actually grow up!
*Side note* Go ahead and accustom yourself with EVERYBODY ELSE'S PARENTS because when you are engaging with a teenager you will hear about these wonderful parents at least 84 times a day. They are parents with flowing locks of hair that ride around on unicorns and when they sing rainbows come out of their mouths and they spread nothing but love and joy to their children. They never say no and they have no rules and theirs is a home of utopia. You will come to hate EVERYBODY ELSE'S PARENTS I promise you.
So what advice or glimmer of hope can I offer? Not a bit. Okay...okay...I can tell you a few things I have learned here in the trenches...
1) You can't be your kid's friend and be an effective parent. Not right now. One day you can be their friend. One day long past the teenage years...when they are adults and they possibly have kids of their own. You will then become more friendly. My Mom is my friend and has been since right about November 8, 1996. This is the day I became a Mom and once I held that little 4 pound bundle everything my Mom ever did or said to keep me in line or protect me all made perfect sense.
2) Your kid is going to go through a period of time where they don't like you very much at all. This is normal. And psssstttt...you aren't going to like them at times either. Totally normal. You both still love each other...you are just finding your new normal with this teenage person and they are trying to make sense of everything you say because I swear I think it must come out to them like that teacher from Charlie Brown.
3) You are going to have to let go. Yeah...I know. I'm still struggling with this one. But...it is a fact of life. Kids grow up. They start to think for themselves. They make decisions....not always the best of decisions. Guess what? I'm 37 and I still don't always make the best of decisions. Go figure.
4) Pick your battles. That music they are listening to that sounds like someone stepping on a cat while simultaneously banging pots and pans together? It will pass. The bigger deal you make out of it the more they will cling to it. And one day you may even find yourself driving down the road where a song comes on and you both say..."Cool...I love this one..."
5) It is more important to raise a kid who has an obedient heart than a kid who only follows the rules to get something or to avoid a punishment. Patrick struggles with this. He will argue with me about "I was only 5 minutes past my limit...what is the big deal?" The big deal isn't the 5 minutes...it truly isn't. The big deal is having an obedient heart versus a disobedient one.
6) My goal as a parent should always be to point my son to the cross. To teach him about grace. To show him 2 basic things: Love God. Love Others. The rest? Just details.
You can take very bit of this advice with a grain of salt because in all honesty? I screw it up more often than I get it right. I go to bed many nights thinking how I should have said this or I should have done this or I regret things I did say or opportunities I missed.
I basically have 156 Saturdays left. My focus is to try and get through the next few and make them the best ones we can. Little by little. Both of us learning along the way and both of us screwing it up at times. But oh...those days we get it right? Those are awesome days.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Called out by a 4 year old
John and I don't watch a whole lot of TV. Mainly we watch HGTV and lots of cooking shows. However, we do enjoy the show Modern Family. In fact, we crack up at Modern Family. One of the main characters, Phil, reminds me of John in minor ways so I jokingly call him "Phil" at times.
John's birthday was this past week and I found a talking card that had Phil on it. As soon as I saw it I knew it would be the card for me to give him.
Phil thinks of himself as quite the hip Dad. He mortifies his children and wife at various times but he has a heart of gold.
We put cards up on our fireplace mantle for about a week then we pack them away or toss them depending on how full the card drawer has gotten.
On Friday I was in the living room straightening up for some friends who were stopping by and Colin was helping me. I was taking the cards down and he asked me if any of the cards sang or talked. He really enjoys the cards that do. So I tossed the card my parents gave John that sang and the Phil card to him.
He danced around to the music on the one card then he opened up the Phil card...
"I'm hip. I'm cool. I surf the web. I text. LOL. Laugh Out Loud. WTF. Why The Face? OMG. Oh My God."
And Colin shut the card quickly and looked up at me. "Why did that man talk about God?"
Being the awesome parent that I am I very quickly said, "Oh...he's just playing around...let's put that card up..." as I reached to take it out of his hands.
But Colin wasn't letting it go. He looked up at me with those big brown eyes and said, "But we shouldn't say that. That isn't talking about God nice. Who gave my Daddy this card?"
Ouch.
You ever have those moments where you feel like God just thumped you on the head to get your attention? Ever have one where you felt like he hit you with a 2 X 4?
So I took a deep breath and sat down on the couch with Colin and told him that he was right. We don't talk about God like that and it isn't nice and Mommy was wrong to not think about that.
He listened to my answer then hopped up and said it was okay because God doesn't stay mad at us if we are sorry and he said he would just go throw that card in the trash.
We have been in the middle of a sermon series on James at my church. Taming the tongue. Evaluating our speech...what we say...how we say it...who we say it to...
Not that I think Colin has a firm grasp on theology but apparently he has been paying more attention than his Mom...
John's birthday was this past week and I found a talking card that had Phil on it. As soon as I saw it I knew it would be the card for me to give him.
Phil thinks of himself as quite the hip Dad. He mortifies his children and wife at various times but he has a heart of gold.
We put cards up on our fireplace mantle for about a week then we pack them away or toss them depending on how full the card drawer has gotten.
On Friday I was in the living room straightening up for some friends who were stopping by and Colin was helping me. I was taking the cards down and he asked me if any of the cards sang or talked. He really enjoys the cards that do. So I tossed the card my parents gave John that sang and the Phil card to him.
He danced around to the music on the one card then he opened up the Phil card...
"I'm hip. I'm cool. I surf the web. I text. LOL. Laugh Out Loud. WTF. Why The Face? OMG. Oh My God."
And Colin shut the card quickly and looked up at me. "Why did that man talk about God?"
Being the awesome parent that I am I very quickly said, "Oh...he's just playing around...let's put that card up..." as I reached to take it out of his hands.
But Colin wasn't letting it go. He looked up at me with those big brown eyes and said, "But we shouldn't say that. That isn't talking about God nice. Who gave my Daddy this card?"
Ouch.
You ever have those moments where you feel like God just thumped you on the head to get your attention? Ever have one where you felt like he hit you with a 2 X 4?
So I took a deep breath and sat down on the couch with Colin and told him that he was right. We don't talk about God like that and it isn't nice and Mommy was wrong to not think about that.
He listened to my answer then hopped up and said it was okay because God doesn't stay mad at us if we are sorry and he said he would just go throw that card in the trash.
We have been in the middle of a sermon series on James at my church. Taming the tongue. Evaluating our speech...what we say...how we say it...who we say it to...
Not that I think Colin has a firm grasp on theology but apparently he has been paying more attention than his Mom...
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Teaching our kids about grace
There are few things Colin loves more than going to Target and getting an Icee at the end. He will ask about 876 times if we are going to get an Icee. Before leaving on vacation last week we were at Target and Josh & Colin were in rare form. They were running all over the place and I found myself having to stop numerous times to tell them to knock it off. I kept forgetting things and had to backtrack in the store.
Finally, without yelling at all, I said to them, "Okay. I have to get 5 more things before we can go. If you cannot behave for the remainder of our trip then we will not stop to get an Icee on the way out."
They both nodded and by Thing #3 they were running and playing again. I said nothing, got my 2 last things and we headed for the check out. As soon as we were gathering our bags Colin started toward the snack counter. I stopped him and he looked up at me and said, "But we haven't gotten our Icees yet..."
I reminded him that I had asked them several times to stop running and they chose not to follow my instructions. I asked Josh if he knew what disobedience was and he said it was when you were told to do one thing and you did something else.
I started for the exit and Colin was heartbroken. He cried and cried all the way to the car. Real baby tears rolling down that sweet face. He kept saying, "But I'm sorry Mommy! I won't do it again. I really won't. Please let us have an Icee. Please..."
Josh was quiet but asked if they promised to behave next time could they get an Icee. I stood my ground. I didn't yell. I didn't fuss. I didn't act exasperated with them...which let me be real here...I would have sold either one of them to roving gypsies at that moment.
I buckled Colin in and he continued to cry...not a whiny didn't get my way cry but a true sad cry.
We left Target and headed toward home. After a few minutes I asked them if they knew what grace was.
Josh said he thought it was something about church or Jesus but he wasn't sure. Colin just cried.
So I told them that grace is when we do something and we deserve a punishment but instead we are given mercy or even something good. Josh pondered this for a minute and asked, "So if somebody does a really bad thing and they deserve to go to jail but then the judge lets them go home that is grace?" And I explained it further from a spiritual standpoint. We talked about Jesus and the cross. Colin started listening and told me, "Jesus died on a cross...do you mean like that, Mommy?"
We drove along and talked about how sometimes even when we disobey God and we deserve to be punished that God gives us mercy and even blessings.
Then I turned into Snow Biz. As I parked the car Josh asked where we were going and I told him, "I'm showing you grace..."
Before we got our icee I explained to each of them that when they disobey it hurts me and makes me sad and angry. That I want to always give them good things and I don't like to punish them but I will. But that there are times I want them to know grace as well.
They were quiet and behaved like little angels the rest of the day.
When John got home he saw Colin's blue lips and asked, "What did you have today?" and my sweet boy smiled up at him and said, "Mommy bought us some grace."
Not exactly...but I think he was close.
I screw up 90% of my interactions with my kids so I really enjoy it when I get it right and that afternoon I felt like I got it right.
Finally, without yelling at all, I said to them, "Okay. I have to get 5 more things before we can go. If you cannot behave for the remainder of our trip then we will not stop to get an Icee on the way out."
They both nodded and by Thing #3 they were running and playing again. I said nothing, got my 2 last things and we headed for the check out. As soon as we were gathering our bags Colin started toward the snack counter. I stopped him and he looked up at me and said, "But we haven't gotten our Icees yet..."
I reminded him that I had asked them several times to stop running and they chose not to follow my instructions. I asked Josh if he knew what disobedience was and he said it was when you were told to do one thing and you did something else.
I started for the exit and Colin was heartbroken. He cried and cried all the way to the car. Real baby tears rolling down that sweet face. He kept saying, "But I'm sorry Mommy! I won't do it again. I really won't. Please let us have an Icee. Please..."
Josh was quiet but asked if they promised to behave next time could they get an Icee. I stood my ground. I didn't yell. I didn't fuss. I didn't act exasperated with them...which let me be real here...I would have sold either one of them to roving gypsies at that moment.
I buckled Colin in and he continued to cry...not a whiny didn't get my way cry but a true sad cry.
We left Target and headed toward home. After a few minutes I asked them if they knew what grace was.
Josh said he thought it was something about church or Jesus but he wasn't sure. Colin just cried.
So I told them that grace is when we do something and we deserve a punishment but instead we are given mercy or even something good. Josh pondered this for a minute and asked, "So if somebody does a really bad thing and they deserve to go to jail but then the judge lets them go home that is grace?" And I explained it further from a spiritual standpoint. We talked about Jesus and the cross. Colin started listening and told me, "Jesus died on a cross...do you mean like that, Mommy?"
We drove along and talked about how sometimes even when we disobey God and we deserve to be punished that God gives us mercy and even blessings.
Then I turned into Snow Biz. As I parked the car Josh asked where we were going and I told him, "I'm showing you grace..."
Before we got our icee I explained to each of them that when they disobey it hurts me and makes me sad and angry. That I want to always give them good things and I don't like to punish them but I will. But that there are times I want them to know grace as well.
They were quiet and behaved like little angels the rest of the day.
When John got home he saw Colin's blue lips and asked, "What did you have today?" and my sweet boy smiled up at him and said, "Mommy bought us some grace."
Not exactly...but I think he was close.
I screw up 90% of my interactions with my kids so I really enjoy it when I get it right and that afternoon I felt like I got it right.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Update on all things Puckett
Turns out living deliberately keeps you kind of busy! I didn't mean to neglect our blog for so long so I'll give an update on what we have going on...mainly for myself to log things.
John: John is staying busy with stepping up being the leader in our home. He has joined a men's group that meets weekly and it has really been helpful for him. We just celebrated our 12 year anniversary and that is a true testament to what God can do if you shut up and get out of the way. Continue to pray for John as he leads our family.
Patrick: Patrick has his first real job this summer. He is working at an animal clinic from 7:30--5 each day. It has been a big responsibility for him but also teaching him a lot about budgeting and how a job in the real world looks. He has a fantastic boss and seems to really be enjoying the work. Who knows? Maybe this will spark an interest in the medical field for him. He gets his driver's license in November and I keep having to explain to him that just because the great State of Alabama says he is eligible to drive doesn't mean I'm going to just hand him over the keys. We are working on balance of him growing up and me realizing he is growing up. Pray for Patrick to continue to strive toward being a young man of integrity. I want more than anything else for my boys to be men of character when they grow up.
Josh: Josh is enjoying his summer by spending time with friends and laying around in his pajamas as often as possible. We are being very deliberate about setting aside time for Josh to work on reading this summer. He has had a few struggles in the past year so we are all over it by having him tutored for the summer in an effort to catch up and give him more confidence with his reading. Josh has the most compassionate heart I have ever seen. He really hears things and holds them close in his mind when most people forget and move on. Perfect example...our church lost a very special young man to cancer last year. Josh went with us to the memorial celebration. Every single night he prays for this boy's family without fail. He mainly says he hopes they aren't too sad and that they are holding on to good thoughts and for God to help them be happy again one day. We never prompt him but every single night he prays for them. Pray for Josh to continue to always have the heart for people he has now.
Colin: Colin is my smiley face monkey butt. He will be 4 in July and he is definitely moving from that baby/toddler stage to a big kid stage. He knows all his letters and most of their sounds, colors, shapes and can count to 20 without much trouble. He is the first to call you out if you start to eat without saying the "blessings" and he likes to pray at night for random things. Some of my favorites: Animals. Bicycles. His Spiderman nightlight. The city. Chickens. The Kona Ice Truck. His friends. Pray for Colin to continue to learn to listen and for us to always encourage his curiosity.
And...Me: Oh boy. That anger and bitterness I mentioned in the last post? Still there. I see this person continually hurt my family and it is a struggle to try and move past it. But that's where I am...asking God to help me let it go. For me to understand that hurting people hurt people. Also God has revealed to me that even when we are forgiven for sinful choices we make there are still sometimes earthly consequences. This situation with this person is an indirect consequence of some of my earlier choices. That is a bitter pill to swallow but it doesn't make it any less true. It also doesn't justify some of the hurtful things they have done and continue to do time and time again but that is where I am on it.
I have been spending time investing in women and children at The Lovelady Center lately and it is a place that I am coming to love more and more. I have met some amazing ladies and each time I visit I am so overwhelmed with how God transforms lives. I prayed a while back for God to break my heart for what breaks His and Lovelady is where I keep being drawn to.
Celebrate Recovery continues to grow and thrive. I have taken some steps back and there have been others that have stepped up to fill various leadership roles which is a huge thing and a good thing. We celebrated our 3 year anniversary at WWBC recently and I cannot wait to see where it goes in the next 3 years.
We leave Monday for a week at the beach. I am looking forward to some downtime with my husband and boys.
Prayers needed for me: Patience. Remembering it isn't all about me. Wisdom in so many areas. For God to temper my pride. And for me to always try to be: the wife and mother my husband and children deserve; the employee my boss needs...even when it is difficult; the daughter my parents and inlaws need; the friend my friends need me to be and the leader God needs me to be.
John: John is staying busy with stepping up being the leader in our home. He has joined a men's group that meets weekly and it has really been helpful for him. We just celebrated our 12 year anniversary and that is a true testament to what God can do if you shut up and get out of the way. Continue to pray for John as he leads our family.
Patrick: Patrick has his first real job this summer. He is working at an animal clinic from 7:30--5 each day. It has been a big responsibility for him but also teaching him a lot about budgeting and how a job in the real world looks. He has a fantastic boss and seems to really be enjoying the work. Who knows? Maybe this will spark an interest in the medical field for him. He gets his driver's license in November and I keep having to explain to him that just because the great State of Alabama says he is eligible to drive doesn't mean I'm going to just hand him over the keys. We are working on balance of him growing up and me realizing he is growing up. Pray for Patrick to continue to strive toward being a young man of integrity. I want more than anything else for my boys to be men of character when they grow up.
Josh: Josh is enjoying his summer by spending time with friends and laying around in his pajamas as often as possible. We are being very deliberate about setting aside time for Josh to work on reading this summer. He has had a few struggles in the past year so we are all over it by having him tutored for the summer in an effort to catch up and give him more confidence with his reading. Josh has the most compassionate heart I have ever seen. He really hears things and holds them close in his mind when most people forget and move on. Perfect example...our church lost a very special young man to cancer last year. Josh went with us to the memorial celebration. Every single night he prays for this boy's family without fail. He mainly says he hopes they aren't too sad and that they are holding on to good thoughts and for God to help them be happy again one day. We never prompt him but every single night he prays for them. Pray for Josh to continue to always have the heart for people he has now.
Colin: Colin is my smiley face monkey butt. He will be 4 in July and he is definitely moving from that baby/toddler stage to a big kid stage. He knows all his letters and most of their sounds, colors, shapes and can count to 20 without much trouble. He is the first to call you out if you start to eat without saying the "blessings" and he likes to pray at night for random things. Some of my favorites: Animals. Bicycles. His Spiderman nightlight. The city. Chickens. The Kona Ice Truck. His friends. Pray for Colin to continue to learn to listen and for us to always encourage his curiosity.
And...Me: Oh boy. That anger and bitterness I mentioned in the last post? Still there. I see this person continually hurt my family and it is a struggle to try and move past it. But that's where I am...asking God to help me let it go. For me to understand that hurting people hurt people. Also God has revealed to me that even when we are forgiven for sinful choices we make there are still sometimes earthly consequences. This situation with this person is an indirect consequence of some of my earlier choices. That is a bitter pill to swallow but it doesn't make it any less true. It also doesn't justify some of the hurtful things they have done and continue to do time and time again but that is where I am on it.
I have been spending time investing in women and children at The Lovelady Center lately and it is a place that I am coming to love more and more. I have met some amazing ladies and each time I visit I am so overwhelmed with how God transforms lives. I prayed a while back for God to break my heart for what breaks His and Lovelady is where I keep being drawn to.
Celebrate Recovery continues to grow and thrive. I have taken some steps back and there have been others that have stepped up to fill various leadership roles which is a huge thing and a good thing. We celebrated our 3 year anniversary at WWBC recently and I cannot wait to see where it goes in the next 3 years.
We leave Monday for a week at the beach. I am looking forward to some downtime with my husband and boys.
Prayers needed for me: Patience. Remembering it isn't all about me. Wisdom in so many areas. For God to temper my pride. And for me to always try to be: the wife and mother my husband and children deserve; the employee my boss needs...even when it is difficult; the daughter my parents and inlaws need; the friend my friends need me to be and the leader God needs me to be.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Letting go.
This isn't so much about my boys today but about something I bet we all can identify with.
I was driving home Friday afternoon, trying to find a song for an event I'm working on. I was listening to several things and trying to pay attention to the words and really listen.
Got to one that has the lyrics:
You are here, you are here
In your presence I'm made whole
You are God, you are God
Of all else I'm letting go...
And listening to that I was overwhelmed with conviction. See I know for an absolute fact I am holding on to a deep hatred toward someone...have been for years. Only person on the face of the planet I hate. I know it is wrong. I know I should pray about it. I know I should let it go. But...I don't want to. I cling to this hatred. It is a deep seated bitterness in my heart. Most days I can push it down but every so often it rears up and I let it have total reign in my thoughts and in my heart.
God has brought it to my mind off and on and I acknowledge to him that I know I need to let it go. I know it is not what he commands of me. But then I hang on to it because I don't really know how to let it go. And let's be honest? I don't want to let it go. Hating this person feels good.
But I know I am being disobedient and as long as I cling to my disobedience God will not bless me. That is the feeling/conviction that overwhelmed me on Friday.
So...time to figure it out. How do I cling to the lyrics that in God's presence I am made whole and I'm letting go of everything else? Letting go of this hatred toward this person?
I confided these feelings to some friends and their answer is what I already know. The only way I will conquer this and let it go is on my knees...daily. I have to humble myself, seek God's face and let it go.
Much easier said than done. I tried this morning but the prayer got caught in my throat. I don't want to pray for her. I don't want to think about her. So to start I suppose I have to pray for God to make me willing to even be willing. To help me choke down the bitterness and slowly begin to let it go one small prayer at a time.
To live a deliberate life I have to learn to practice what I preach and release this bitterness.
I was driving home Friday afternoon, trying to find a song for an event I'm working on. I was listening to several things and trying to pay attention to the words and really listen.
Got to one that has the lyrics:
You are here, you are here
In your presence I'm made whole
You are God, you are God
Of all else I'm letting go...
And listening to that I was overwhelmed with conviction. See I know for an absolute fact I am holding on to a deep hatred toward someone...have been for years. Only person on the face of the planet I hate. I know it is wrong. I know I should pray about it. I know I should let it go. But...I don't want to. I cling to this hatred. It is a deep seated bitterness in my heart. Most days I can push it down but every so often it rears up and I let it have total reign in my thoughts and in my heart.
God has brought it to my mind off and on and I acknowledge to him that I know I need to let it go. I know it is not what he commands of me. But then I hang on to it because I don't really know how to let it go. And let's be honest? I don't want to let it go. Hating this person feels good.
But I know I am being disobedient and as long as I cling to my disobedience God will not bless me. That is the feeling/conviction that overwhelmed me on Friday.
So...time to figure it out. How do I cling to the lyrics that in God's presence I am made whole and I'm letting go of everything else? Letting go of this hatred toward this person?
I confided these feelings to some friends and their answer is what I already know. The only way I will conquer this and let it go is on my knees...daily. I have to humble myself, seek God's face and let it go.
Much easier said than done. I tried this morning but the prayer got caught in my throat. I don't want to pray for her. I don't want to think about her. So to start I suppose I have to pray for God to make me willing to even be willing. To help me choke down the bitterness and slowly begin to let it go one small prayer at a time.
To live a deliberate life I have to learn to practice what I preach and release this bitterness.
Monday, March 19, 2012
When They Get It...
Do you ever feel like you are talking to your kids and you would have better results if you stood and conversed with the cat? I feel this way a lot of the time and my cat is starting to think I am crazy.
However, every so often it clicks and they do something that reaffirms for you that they get it. They are listening. Your words aren't falling on deaf ears. When this happens it is pretty awesome.
Josh came home from school on Friday and dropped off his bookbag before heading downstairs to play. I went through his folder and noticed he had brought home some projects they did over the last few weeks. One was a hanging sign they did in February for Black History Month. They talked about King's "I have a dream" speech and then were asked to make their own sign that read "I have a dream..." and complete the statement.
Josh's sign read "I have a dream that all people will know God."
I was blown away by this because Josh is my reserved kid who isn't extremely vocal about faith matters or really any matters. He is more introspective most of the time.
When he came back upstairs I asked him about it and asked him what made him come up with that and he shrugged and said, "Well...isn't that a good dream to have, Mom?"
Indeed.
My kid is getting it. Little by little and without us even realizing it a lot of time...he gets it.
However, every so often it clicks and they do something that reaffirms for you that they get it. They are listening. Your words aren't falling on deaf ears. When this happens it is pretty awesome.
Josh came home from school on Friday and dropped off his bookbag before heading downstairs to play. I went through his folder and noticed he had brought home some projects they did over the last few weeks. One was a hanging sign they did in February for Black History Month. They talked about King's "I have a dream" speech and then were asked to make their own sign that read "I have a dream..." and complete the statement.
Josh's sign read "I have a dream that all people will know God."
I was blown away by this because Josh is my reserved kid who isn't extremely vocal about faith matters or really any matters. He is more introspective most of the time.
When he came back upstairs I asked him about it and asked him what made him come up with that and he shrugged and said, "Well...isn't that a good dream to have, Mom?"
Indeed.
My kid is getting it. Little by little and without us even realizing it a lot of time...he gets it.
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